im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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