btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
