also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
