Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
