The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You were trust falling into bushes
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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