Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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