I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
