Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
