one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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