why didn't you poke me back
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
