Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
