Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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