you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
