if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
