ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
