Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
