I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
