he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
