I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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