Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
