She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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