Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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