very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
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