My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
