I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
