her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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