it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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