You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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