Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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