I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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