There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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