we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
