He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
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Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
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I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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