A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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