I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
