My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
