it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
