so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
