I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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