ya dads aren't the best wingmen
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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