So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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