At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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