How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
