I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
