I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
