I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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