No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
