So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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