Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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