If you die in college, do you die in real life?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
