I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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