Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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