He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
