i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
