my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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