Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
