Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
