I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
