i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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