I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize