this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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