Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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