Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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