ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
