Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
