Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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