i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
