plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
