WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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