As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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