put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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