What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
