I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
