Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
