and you said cock pushups were impossible
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
