Ambien. No doubt about it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
