I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
