is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
