we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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