i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
