Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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