Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
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